Good News For All Breathers.
Bristol City Council is pleased to announce that the planned tax on breathing is to be scrapped.
The news comes as, the results of an internal inquiry into the death of one of the people involved in the field studies, was leaked to our reporter.
We have learned that George Sniveler, 32-year-old father of 3 from Stockwood, was promised a day pass into the City Zone, if he wore the test apparatus for a week. Friends said he was desperate to get into the City Zone to see one of his children who had been in the city when the last section of the wall was put in place. They said he would have done anything for a chance to find her, but now he has paid with his life.

We asked Oberlautnant Kibber the head of SOB (Security Officers for Bristol), to comment on this. He said, " the child's, security ID chip must have broken free from under the skin and we were unable to detect her presence in the city. But now we are aware that there is a security risk we will apprehend her and place her outside the wall with her own kind, after all she is a BOZI (Bristol Outer Zone Inhabitant). Incidents like this underline how important the work of the SOB is to the well being of the citizens inside the wall. My officers and I know we have the full support of Queen Helen. With her patronage and the extra 2.5 billion euros in our budget we will serve her to the death." With this he shot his arm into the air, clicked his heels turned and left me alone in the interview cell.

The finding of the inquiry into Mr. Sniveler's death was that it was his own fault.
When the engineer fitted the device to him, he was told that he must have 10 euro coins with him at all times, to feed the air meter. Unfortunately the engineer had only recently arrived in this country and could not speak English well. However the council felt that they had done all they needed to do to protect their equipment and that Mr. Sniveler had signed a 15 page document stating that he understood the instructions.

The scrapping of the breath tax may also be due to the fact that if others like Mr. S were to run out of euros, then eventually the revenue would drop. It might solve the population problem outside the wall. But sooner or later it would affect the lifestyle of the upper class inside.

The bad news for the BOZI is that the breath tax is to be replaced by the PET (Personal Emissions Tax). Each BOZI will have to report to there local SOB barracks to have a FART (Full Analysis Rectal Trace). This trace will enable all emissions to be traced to the perpetrator and a tax levied in accordance with the new legislation.