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with the rough end of a pineapple. So I said you cant do that in here ,
this church hall was opened by Princess Ann.
Do you remember that day, when the monumental mason, wasn't being paid on
time so he carved something rude on the inaugural stone.
I shall never forget the look on Her Majesty's face when she
pulled the string and opened the curtain. What made it worse was that,
some clever Dick with a Kodak, caught the whole scene in living color
and sold it to the gutter press. It has never been proved who sold the
pictures but the vicar has now got a new Rover and a dishwasher.
You wont get that with what I put in the collection plate.
Any way I digress.
So I said "You cant do that in here" and he said " who's going
to stop me ", I sad "me", he said " oh yes" I said "yes".
What a plonker!.Why dont I keep my big mouth shut.
Do you know it took twenty minuets for the ambulance to arrive and
the fire brigade weren't much better, and I didn't like the way
they all fell about laughing when they did get to the scene of the incident.
I think that public servants like them should be made to keep a
straight face on these occasions, like the lady at the library or the
receptionist at the sexually transmitted disease clinic.
When the police finally arrived they gave a demonstration of synchronized
truncheon swinging which greatly amused the ladies in the crowd that had
gathered by this time. Quite a carnival atmosphere.
Everyone was having a wonderful time except me.
I have to stop writing for a minuet , the nurse is coming to take
my temperature.
Back again.
I thought I had seen that girl before, she used to work at the vet's
and it wasn't until she took my temperature that I remembered. It still
say it's more hygienic to put the thermometer in your mouth.
I will have to stop writing to you soon because I have to drop a line to
Colin to tell him that I will be well enough to go to his millennium
party. Whether I shall be well enough to do the hoki- coky is a different
matter. If you ask me there's too much putting it in and shaking it all
about going on already.
We will have to watch what we drink this time. At the last party,
someone spiked Mums drink and she ended the evening doing the dance
of the seven army blankets. Not that Dad saw it, he was on the telephone
to the almighty. Head down the toilet moaning "oh my God, Never again".
While were on the subject of my parents. I don't know if you know but
I had a very difficult childhood. My mother had tried to get an abortion.
The problem was, I was three at the time.
I will not be sorry to get out of here. In the bed next to me is a
Manchester United fan and in the bed the other side of me is an Italian
who supports AC Milan. The M U supporter said in a load voice that
ACM had so many poofs of the team that they should be called AC/DC Milan.
Well the bed pan just missed my head but I don't think my misses will
ever get the stains or the smell out of my best pajamas.
Across the aisle from me is punk that came in to get the spelling
corrected on his tattoos. The other night in a fit of boredom we bet
him he could not swallow £3.50 in silver. He did, the nutter.
On the chart at the bottom of his bed it now reads " No Change.".
There was a bit of a fuss the other day when a chap down the ward
passed out with malnutrition. It seems that this chap's name
Neil Bimouth and some dopey nurse had misspelled his name on the
card attached to the top of his bed. You can guess what happened.
Anyway I must stop now. I think that nice nurse is comming back to
give me a bed bath.
See you soon
Mike.